“Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at anytime and be yourself.” – Hermann Hesse
As a child, like most of us, I used to hate being asked to keep quiet or sit still. I was full of energy and remaining still meant missing out on so much activity happening around me.
In my teenage years and adulthood, silence became synonymous with the idea of fear. As soon as silence sets in it makes us hear the noises in our head, louder.
Had the voices in my head been positive and beautiful I’d feel happy and empowered. But the voices reflected negation, self-doubt, judgements and self loathing. The constant chattering of the harsh voices led me into over thinking and filled me up with negativity. There came a point when I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I was actively thinking. It happened by default, as part of a routine. I got so used to it that I hardly realized it was happening. Such conditions often lead to emotional outbursts and extreme negative feelings. At times I felt like my head was about to explode. There is only so much negativity one can keep at bay. But those negative thoughts creep in when you least expect them to. This gave rise to a constant turbulence inside my body and mind simultaneously.
Everything seemed to become dysfunctional as I began to comprehend that I was having a tough time communicating with people. Interaction became a huge task. The internal and external self became warped and intertwined only to cut each other off.
Paranoia, fear and neurosis give way to anger, depression and seclusion. Life became a constant battle between what I felt and how I reacted as I felt everyone and everything was against me.
I reached the state of absolute exhaustion. I resorted to dosing up on pharmaceutical drugs like painkillers only so I could be at peace or rest in the name of sleep. Having lost all coherence with life I was on the brink of major breakdown. I felt I had lost my battle with life and was just on the verge of giving up.
Lying in the hospital bed I felt a moment of peace and silence. From then on I began on a quest to find silence again for it was so real. I did experience it again and later on and the silence became my guide and anchor which held me strong. It healed and nourished me.
I’m sharing what I learnt:
Nature’s core is silence
Make time everyday to spend at least some moments in nature. Watching the sunrise or the sunset, walking barefoot on the grass, petting an animal, and going for a swim in the sea are small ways in which we can connect to nature and feel the spiritual reassurance. Feeling at one with nature by surrendering yourself to nature’s might will let you feel a sense of spiritual bliss.
Feel the magical silence in nature to the extent of listening to the winds gushing, birds chirruping and water trickling.
Feed and grow that silence.