Have you ever felt disheartened because of failures in romantic relationships? Do you feel that you can never establish a strong emotional connection with your partner? Then you should read ahead to find out the amazing technique which ensures a strong emotional connect between two people.
An expert psychologist Arthur Aron developed an intriguing technique almost twenty years ago that promises of making people fall in love with each other. It was just a hunch that led to it, but research has proved it to be quite successful.
The participants of the research got married after 6 months!
The simple trick that Aron used was:
You have to begin by maintaining eye contact for 4 minutes with your date. It does sound creepy and awkward, especially when you are going out for the first time with someone. You have to convince them before you start with this exercise or else you will end up looking like a desperate psychopath.
There could be nervousness and uncomfortable feelings at first, but if you’re both quite settled in, then go ahead. Looking into someone’s eyes in not an easy task and even more difficult is to let someone else look into yours. You feel vulnerable, exposed in front of them. But that is the real challenge that needs to be conquered.
Looking into each other’s eyes will generate trust and intimacy which is essential for any love relationship.
After this initial bit, you need to ask each other these 36 questions which are designed in order to increase intimacy between the two of you. The subject matter of the questions range from boring and mundane to meaningful and intimate. They are created with the aim of increasing interpersonal closeness between two people.
According to Dr. Aron, the questions encourage “self-expansion” because you are required to answer honestly what you find appealing or unappealing about the person sitting in front of you.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”
26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
These questions combined with the 4-minute staring could actually lead to the development of a strong bond between the participants. Why do you think this happens? The answer lies with Biology. Our hormones are very much active and without letting you know they are working their magic.
So give this technique a try on your next date. Who knows… you may find the love of your life!